Behind The Fate Ball

Two weeks. Two coincidences.

1) I was emailed back in April this year by the chap who runs a cricket club called The Quaggies who fancied a game against my club, Gentleman's Relish. As it happened, we found we could fit them in and played a very entertaining game last weekend in Kent. After the match, we were chatting over a beer when the conversation turned to the return fixture, and its possible location. I mentioned that we were nominally South London based but that unfortunately the pitch we used to use in Honor Oak had been redeveloped. After confirming the location, it turns out that our old pitch was also the place they played their very first game back in 1993 and his local pub back then was the Blythe Hill Tavern, which is now my local, due to being at the bottom of my street.

2) I was very kindly taken to see Arsenal v Bolton today as a guest of Thomson Reuters. The hospitality was excellent, the seats superb, the banter consistent and the result correct. After the game, we established that we were all heading back via London Bridge and decided to have a quick last beer at Hay's Galleria before we parted company. One of our number happened to be meeting his cousin who was also heading home from the Arsenal match, via the same station, so he too joined us for a swift one. I immediately recognised him from somewhere, but couldn't place him just yet. It bugged me repeatedly as we chatted amiably for a while until there was mention of our destinations. When I mentioned Blythe Hill, it clicked; he lives round the corner from me and we had both seen each other on Champions League evenings watching Arsenal at - guess where - the Blythe Hill Tavern at the bottom of my street!

Randomness abounds...

EOTW #18

Football. The beautiful game. It's everywhere at the moment - so why should your favourite MOTD-analysed* Euphemisms Of The Week be any different, eh? Commentators are a rich seam of euphemistic possibility; in fact, I'm convinced some of the pundits try to shoehorn them in deliberately (yes, you, Robbie Savage). Anyway, recently observed on the TV & Radio coverage of the FIFA World Cup 2010:

• Dropping back into the hole
• Testing the keeper's handling
• Closely marking the big pair up front
• Jostling for position in the box
• Letting fly from distance

More to follow...

* no, not really.

Double Genius

This is astonishing. From the distance run to the number of players passed, to the jinks, the turns and the finish, it is pretty much identical:

Spooked, anyone?

Inevitable World Cup Post

In case you hadn't noticed, there's a World Cup on soon.

Vast swathes of newsprint and gazillions of bytes have spewed forth with statistics, predictions, fixtures, teamsheets, injuries, clinical analysis of the debilitating effects of altitude at each of the the ten venues and every other trivial piece of information you could possibly wish to have to hand for the duration of the tournament. But ultimately, at the end of the day, Brian, it's all about the game: 11 versus 11 for 90 minutes in pursuit of the ultimate prize in international football. I can hardly wait.

Still, after stocking the fridge and putting up the wallchart there still appears to be nigh on four days to go, so I've entered* this Predictor game, in which you choose the outcome (win/lose/draw) of every game in the tournament, hoping to get 45+ out of the 48 correct and win a share of one meeeeeeeeellion pounds in cash.

And thanks to the eagle-eyed @arseblog on Twitter, here is a Fantasy Cheaters League competition in which you select the XI players most likely to bend the rules during the tournament. Points are awarded for a variety of transgressions including diving, feigning injury, waving invisible cards at referees and stealing yards at free-kicks and throw-ins but players lose points for actual yellow/red cards, as they were clearly not good enough at cheating to get away with it! Brilliant idea, so I've entered that too :)

Oh, and The Guardian has updated its Pick The Score game to cover the 2010 World Cup so I'd better have a stab at that as well...

...right, those small diversions should pass the time until 3pm on Friday; other than that, come on England!

* amusingly, the sole bet I had to place to enter the Predictor came in first at 9/1 each way, so I'm £50 up already :)

Winformation

Lovely infographic from SectionDesign in Wired attempting to predict the winner of this summer's World Cup through the use of linear regression on population, GDP, experience and home advantage. They claim it is effective 72% of the time...

...and whilst I'm sure a few would agree with the winner, some of the earlier rounds leave me scratching my head! Still, get your tenner on Serbia, by the looks of it :)

(via the always wonderful Information Is Beautiful blog)

Danny Boy

If you don't already, I urge you to listen to the Danny Baker show on Five Live. Obviously 9-11 on a Saturday morning might not be amenable to most people, but the podcast doesn't half light up a grey drizzly February commute. Currently loving the Roman numeral footballers feature (VIDIC!) and of course the ever present 'Sausage Sandwich Game'. A couple of hours of irreverent fun of a vaguely sporting nature, all held together with Danny's infectious enthusiasm for the absurd. Worth checking out.

Hubris...

...would be to overdo last night's result, but a picture paints a thousand words:

However, as Rowan, a Chelsea fan for whom I have the utmost respect, said (on Twitter):

Get back to me in May and we'll talk

Nuff said.

FIFA Fo Fum

With UEFA's recent sudden & random use of the two match ban for Eduardo based on video evidence, as well as the new FIFA decision to stop Chelsea from buying any new players for 18 months, it has clearly become time for some new legislation in football to handicap the top clubs. I have therefore devised some other rules for the 2010-11 season, as follows:

Portsmouth must play wearing one white glove on their left hands.
Fulham can only pass East-West in the first half, then North-South in the second.
Sunderland must play in pink and have My Little Pony boots, shaped like little hooves.
Everton must wear their shirts and shorts back to front.
Aston Villa's coaching staff will only be allowed to communicate to the players in Elvish.
Spurs' players must pass the ball to each other in alphabetical order.
Liverpool must arrive to away matches on monocycles, juggling fiery clubs.
Wigan's goalkeeper must sport a parrot on his shoulder throughout the match.
Burnley can only employ players called Dave.
Hull City's matches must take place on the Humber Bridge and they forfeit the match if the ball gets wet.
Wolves must paint their kneecaps to match their opponents shirts.
Stoke City cannot kick-off if there is an odd number of hot dog sellers outside the stadium.

Any more bright ideas before I pack this lot into a roast swan and mail it to the football authorities? You may notice that Manchester United are missing from this list but Sir Alex would just tell them where to stick their silly rules and carry on regardless :)

It's A Fix(ture)

This is a fascinating insight into the vagaries of the football fixtures calendar.

BBC Sport: Secrets of the fixture computer

Essentially, it's a massive Zebra Puzzle (incorporating the railways, the police, the FSF, bank holidays and horseracing amongst other things) and takes months to complete. For example:

"West Ham are paired with Dagenham and Redbridge. But for reasons of revenue, Southend request they do not play at home on the same day as the Hammers as they believe it impacts upon their attendance."

However:

"Southend are in Essex, as are Colchester, so they cannot play together on the same weekend. Colchester share stewards with Ipswich so those two clubs also request they do not play home games on the same weekend. Transport links dictate Ipswich and Norwich do not play together on the same weekend either. In other words, when West Ham play at home can have an impact on when a club as far away as Norwich (108 miles) play their home fixtures."

As I say, fascinating. Geek out.

Go For The Juggler

OK, so Eduardo's cheeky volley was good, but this lot are incredible:

Pros: The opposition would never get the ball off them.
Cons: They'd spend the entire match in the centre circle.

(via the quite interesting qikipedia)

Out Of The Hat

Following Arsenal's win on penalties in Rome, myself and Jeremy at work had a natter about the possible outcomes of the Champions League Quarter Final & Semi Final draw this coming Friday.

He reckons the English clubs will be thrown together; I think they'll be kept apart (thus maintaining the potential Blatter/Platini hell of an all-English semi-final) but what do you think?

Go on, bung your predictions in the comments (and I'll pretend like there's a prize* for the person who gets nearest or something).

Format: winners of Q1 & Q2 meet in one semi-final; winners of Q3 & Q4 in the other.

Me:

Q1. Arsenal v Porto
Q2. Chelsea v Barcelona
Q3. Manchester Utd v Bayern Munich
Q4. Liverpool v Villareal

Jeremy:

Q1. Manchester Utd v Liverpool
Q2. Arsenal v Chelsea
Q3. Porto v Villareal
Q4. Bayern Munich v Barcelona

Alex:
Q1. Arsenal v Liverpool
Q2. Manchester Utd v Chelsea
Q3. Bayern Munich v Villareal
Q4. Porto v Barcelona

Rowan, sort of:
Q1. Arsenal v Barcelona
Q2. Manchester Utd v Villareal
Q3. Chelsea v Porto
Q4. Liverpool v Bayern Munich

* oh alright then, I'll stretch to a M&S pork pie (winner to collect)

Over By February?

I noticed yesterday that the Guardian website has decided that the Premier League title is such a foregone conclusion, there is even no point in displaying the leaders in the table:

Sadly, I'm inclined to agree :(

Brazitaly

Looks like it was a fantastic friendly between Brazil and Italy at Arsenal's Emirates stadium last night. Missed the game, due to my stubborn insistence not to give Sky another penny of my money, but from the highlights (thanks, 101greatgoals) a free-flowing match full of entertainment and two cracking goals from Elano and Robinho. Proper football, played as it should be: skilful, fearless and exciting.

Right then, Spain v England. What chance a dour 0-0 draw?

Offside Online

Idiots.

Premier League goes to war on internet pirates

They're going to make the same mistake the record industry did. Don't fight it; embrace it. As I commented here back in November, if they offered reasonably priced, live streaming Premiership matches with decent bandwidth, picture quality and commentary, the thousands - nay, millions - of fans who cannot get to a game or see it on TV would pay for it. More money in the FA coffers, not less.

Idiots.

17 Years 21 Days

The new Liam Brady anyone? As previously mentioned, the future is here and its name is Jack.

(animated gif via arseblogger)

Change 19

Today's change was that I started five-a-side football again, after a lengthy hiatus.

I scored twice in an 8-5 win, thanks for asking. And today, I can hardly move :)

How To Watch Football

OK, so I'd rather be actually at the match but this is working pretty well for me today:

uStream.tv + Twitter + Guardian online commentary + BBC live text = one happy Gooner

Of course, we still need to avoid throwing away an early lead for once *sigh*

Snow Goal

Inventive goalkeeper abuse from those cheeky Atletico Madrid fans.



They still lost.

Rafa Laffa

Great quote from the Liverpool boss responding to Demento's whinges about the fixture list:

There is another option - Mr Ferguson organises the fixtures in his office and sends it to us and everyone will know and cannot complain."

Splendid stuff; just hope he hasn't peaked too soon and done a Keegan:



They didn't.

It's Fab

We have a new captain. The man who has been earmarked for the job since the moment he arrived has, due to a bizarre set of circumstances which if they weren't happening to my club would be hilarious, got it:

Fábregas handed armband

Goodplaya puts it best, when comparing him to the previous four Arsenal skippers:

To the best of my knowledge, Cesc does not get sent-off twice a season, did not play for Chelsea, is not mad and does not have a drink problem.

Quite. 

I wish him the very best of luck, starting tonight with eight of his first-team players missing for the visit of Dynamo Kiev in the Champions League. Sheesh.