Monday, 29 March 2010

EOTW #11

Been a bit busy pretending to be a bachelor again this week, but Week 11 of the BAFTA-nominated* Euphemisms Of The Week is suddenly upon us, so here we jolly well go.

Recently observed on the web of shame:
  • Pocketing the penny chews
  • Getting the celery from downstairs**
  • Up all night with the Crayolas
  • Polishing the horse brasses
  • Touching the hedge
More to follow...

* no, not really.

** actually this was overheard in a tea-room in St Martin's Lane but was too good to leave out :)

Monday, 22 March 2010

EOTW #10

So roughly 20% of the way through 2010 and we gallop headlong into Week 10 of the Richard & Judy-featured* Euphemisms Of The Week.

Recently observed on the web of shame:
  • Playing with your Uncle’s space Lego
  • Reordering the banana stripes
  • Reaching downstairs for a biscuit
  • On first name terms with the FedEx lady
  • Popping up for a gasp
More to follow...

* no, not really.

Monday, 15 March 2010


Brought to you via the wastelands of the frozen North, here we go with Week 9 of the TIME-endorsed* Euphemisms Of The Week. Included for the first time is one of mine; loyal reader, I leave you to guess...

Recently observed on the web of shame:
  • Looking for eels in a box
  • Tapping the salamander
  • Going upstairs to visit the bone.
  • Reaching for the chocolate weasel
  • Poisoning the lion
More to follow...

* no, not really.

Thursday, 11 March 2010

Twapps Updated

In case anyone was wondering, or even cared, the iPhone Twitter apps testing period has been extended by a couple of weeks due to a small Angry Birds addiction issue.

Mighty Hoax 4-6 and counting...

Thanks :)

Tuesday, 9 March 2010


We bought a DVD the other day.

Solveig was in Sainsbury's and saw Thomas And The Magic Railroad* was on offer for four quid, so she picked one up for the kids. Upon arrival, she (or more probably Theo) popped it into the DVD player and pressed PLAY. Nothing happened. She ejected it, blew off any dust and had another go. Nowt. Just the dreaded "Loading..." icon in the top right corner of the screen. Cue disappointed kids and the return of Peppa Pig to our screens.

We took it back and exchanged it, assuming the disc was faulty in some way. But the replacement was exactly the same, refusing even to load the disc, let alone actually play. Short of believing there was a batch of discs with a manufacturing defect, I was curious to see if the disc would work in a computer drive, rather than our standard domestic DVD player. So I popped it into a laptop and it worked fine. No other DVDs have ever failed to work in the normal player. Weird.

Figuring that making a copy of something that doesn't actually work wouldn't really be breaking any laws, I set to with ripping it. Obviously it has the latest copy protection; not a massive problem, there are ways and means. Less than an hour later, we have a working copy of the film which runs perfectly in the DVD player and the kids are happy.

But what kind of industry cripples its media so much that a standard domestic player cannot even read it? And isn't that now the opposite of the problem we used to have with CDs, whereby copy-protected discs wouldn't play in PC data drives but were fine in regular audio CD players?

Somebody somewhere needs to have a damned good think...

* dreadful Americanised 'Polar Express'-lite set on Sodor - don't bother :)

What To Watch?

I need your help.

My wife is going away for a while with the kids shortly (don't worry, they're coming back!) and I shall have around two weeks on my own in the house. Now one thing I am very bad at, apart from putting my socks in the laundry basket, is watching films. So this is a perfect opportunity to catch up - but of the hundreds of possibilities out there, where to start?

In my forthcoming 'man-time', allowing for football matches & beer consumption as well as still actually having to go to work, I reckon a target of half a dozen good films is not unreasonable. They're probably going to be ones that Solveig won't be bothered about and I'll save any animated films to watch with the kids but other than that I have free rein. I think I'd like to see 'Inglourious Basterds' and I'm fairly sure I don't want to bother with 'The Road' but after that I'm open to suggestions.

What would you watch on your own in the house? Suggest away!

Monday, 8 March 2010


Like a rat up an aqueduct, here's Week 8 of the Grazia-endorsed* Euphemisms Of The Week, and it's been a bumper one (or perhaps I've been on Twitter more than usual, if that's possible within the confines of the existing laws of space and time...)

Recently observed on the web of shame:
  • Buying turmeric in Brussels
  • Unblocking the Hoover hose
  • Advertising Anne Widdicombe’s pasta
  • Coming across John Craven in the video shop
  • Naming the Bay City Rollers
More to follow...

* no, not really.

Wednesday, 3 March 2010


What's the best euphemism for nasty stomach bug? Ach. Erp. Ick. Oof. Ugh.

Anyway, here we go for Week 7 of the Vogue-championed* Euphemisms Of The Week, and they're still rolling in like the mist from the sea on the Mull Of Kintyre, or something equally tenuous.

Recently observed on the web of shame:
  • Tolerating the Bismarck
  • Sniffing the bud of the caper bush
  • Drinking from the Spanish cup
  • Re-hanging the girlfriend's washing
  • Playing a tune on the mango banjo
More to follow...

* no, not really.

Tuesday, 2 March 2010

Department Stored

Following a random conversation on Twitter, Chris Addison mentioned that his excellent Radio 4 comedy show from 2004-06 'The Department' wasn't available to buy on CD/MP3 anywhere. Which seemed ridiculous, but following intensive research shockingly turns out to be true.

Now, given that we are heading inexorably towards a General Election, I reckon this would be the perfect time to broadcast it again, given the splendidly targeted political ridicule, cutting-edge satire and healthy dose of the absurd (Peter Beardsley and Slobodan MiloŇ°evic drawing the next round of inter-continental wars out of a bag, anyone?) contained therein.

With co-writers/performers the brilliant (and Bugle-producing) John Oliver and Andy Zaltzman, you should definitely give it a(nother) listen.

Although as they're not available any more, I guess you'd have to do that 'illegally' by downloading a torrent of the shows from somewhere. Ahem.