Thursday, 3 September 2009


With UEFA's recent sudden & random use of the two match ban for Eduardo based on video evidence, as well as the new FIFA decision to stop Chelsea from buying any new players for 18 months, it has clearly become time for some new legislation in football to handicap the top clubs. I have therefore devised some other rules for the 2010-11 season, as follows:
Portsmouth must play wearing one white glove on their left hands.
Fulham can only pass East-West in the first half, then North-South in the second.
Sunderland must play in pink and have My Little Pony boots, shaped like little hooves.
Everton must wear their shirts and shorts back to front.
Aston Villa's coaching staff will only be allowed to communicate to the players in Elvish.
Spurs' players must pass the ball to each other in alphabetical order.
Liverpool must arrive to away matches on monocycles, juggling fiery clubs.
Wigan's goalkeeper must sport a parrot on his shoulder throughout the match.
Burnley can only employ players called Dave.
Hull City's matches must take place on the Humber Bridge and they forfeit the match if the ball gets wet.
Wolves must paint their kneecaps to match their opponents shirts.
Stoke City cannot kick-off if there is an odd number of hot dog sellers outside the stadium.
Any more bright ideas before I pack this lot into a roast swan and mail it to the football authorities? You may notice that Manchester United are missing from this list but Sir Alex would just tell them where to stick their silly rules and carry on regardless :)

1 comment:

  1. I don't know what to make of this latest thing, tbh. On the one hand, like Eduardo, we've been caught red-handed; but on the other, what a ridiculously over-the-top punishment.

    The one thing I don't like about this is, once again, we have proof positive that Chelsea is run by a bunch of muppets. One good thing to come out of this would be the speedy departure of Arnesen and Kenyon; I'd happily hold open the Exit door for both of them. Arnesen in particular has far too much influence with RA for my liking; he's been instrumental in getting Jose sacked (and in Santos's decision to leave Spurs so suddenly, apparently), and I worry that if he takes a dislike to Ancelotti it won't be long before the managerial revolving door is going round again.

    Fingers crossed the ban gets reduced to one transfer window; we could live with that. What really irks me is that our legal department see this coming (and there are precedents) and work a bit harder this transfer season. Muppets again, see? Poor old Carlo must be wondering what on earth he's wandered into.

    Bah mutter grumble.