Overheard #103

Unsurprisingly, at work, just now:

"Yes, but presumably Edgar Allan Poe never had to try and put a pie chart in his manuscript."

EOTW #2

Time for Week 2 of Euphemisms Of The Week already? OK, let it roll.

Recently observed on the web of shame:

• Eating the prawn spoon
• Playing ping-pong out the back
• Hiding in the Wendy house
• Stealing the lunch-box
• Buffing the laptop

More to follow...

Hubris...

...would be to overdo last night's result, but a picture paints a thousand words:

However, as Rowan, a Chelsea fan for whom I have the utmost respect, said (on Twitter):

Get back to me in May and we'll talk

Nuff said.

At Home With Fourstar

My good friend Alex recently posted the following question over at his blog:

What is your favorite "at home" phrase?

and it led me to think about the nonsense I spout on a semi-daily basis. Now I have distinctly different "at home" and "at work" phrases (as should everyone...) but for the purposes of this exercise, there is one Pharaoh of phrases, an Excalibur of exclamations, the Prince of proclamations, which is:

"Everyone's a winner, petit dejeuner"

Back in the heady days when I used to play sax in a touring soul covers band, we shared the stage with two of the most hilarious guys I have ever met. Tony (trombone) and Shaun (guitar) had known each other for years and had such a natural rapport they could easily have been working the clubs as a double act. They would have the tour bus in stitches at their tales of derring do and natural affinity for the absurd, which lifted the spirits of those humour-sapping drives across, say, for example, to pick somewhere totally at random, Lincolnshire.

However, whenever something went particularly well (which could be anything ranging from a well-paid gig in Dublin to a delicious sausage roll from a Sunderland truckstop), without fail Shaun would exclaim "Everyone's a winner!" always followed closely by Tony's rejoinder of "Petit dejeuner!".

Now quite why a French breakfast should be the epitome of delight for two jobbing musicians from York, I have no idea - and I'm not sure they did either. However, it stuck with me and to this day, when something goes well at work or at home, this is the line I come out with.

Overheard #102

One of our field operatives phoned this one in:

"...so is it coming out a greeney colour?"

I think we'd rather not know.

EOTW #1

As promised, here we go with Week 1.

In no particular order, then, and all genuinely witnessed online by my good (bad?) self online recently:

• Holding the baby reindeer.
• Varnishing the banister.
• Giving potatoes to the Scandinavians.
• Popping into Waterstones.
• Startling the hamster.

I'm going to enjoy this...

Euphemisms Of The Week (coming soon)

As I traverse the internet, stumbling from comments thread to twitter feed to forum post, I find myself inexorably drawn to those random phrases which, taken out of context, force a chuckle of childish delight upon me at the somewhat euphemistic nature of their very existence.

So, gentle reader, for 2010 I will be starting a fresh theme based on a weekly round-up of five of the best on offer out there on the intertubes, as witnessed by my very own eyes/ears.

Now I'll come clean from the off and admit I have a bit of a lengthy backlog, so the first few may contain bits and bobs from the tail end of 2009 - hey, you may even see your choice epithet in lights...

Childish? Silly? Mind like a Welsh railway? Guilty as charged, m'lud. Bring it on...

No More Cotton Wool

I love the idea of this book:

Fifty Dangerous Things (you should let your children do)

Full of stuff that we and our parents maybe used to try with a healthy disregard for health & safety and/or social services (licking batteries, playing in hailstorms, supergluing two fingers together...) plus the rejuvenation of the seemingly long-lost idea that the best way to find out whether you should be doing something is to try it, once.

And it's got whittling in it...

Overheard #101

This might be one of my favourites, one end of a telephone call just now:

"Your brother's birthday?"
"..."
"Oh, both brothers!"
"..."
"What do you mean, semi-identical?"

Overheard #100

My goodness, we've reached a ton of Overheards in a shade under two years. Which is approximately one a week, by sheer coincidence. Anyway, just now:

"Oh God, I'm so not bothered about Celebrity Big Brother."
*pause*
"So, who's on it?"