Poll Position

(This will sound like sour grapes but I simply don't care.)

Graham Poll is the worst referee ever to be given the chance to take charge of a first-class football match. Not just wrong decisions but unadulteratedly ridiculous, completely unacceptable downright mistaken ideas about the basic game of football. The man simply does not understand the rules. What little he does have in his plainly wooden head fluctuates between petty card wielding and blind nonsensical waving-on of play. The man is truly an idiot. I hope he goes on to have a hand in a title-deciding 94th-minute penalty at Old Trafford so that other teams may share in his wisdom. The complete and utter &£%$.

Yes, we missed chances; yes, we should have been ahead at half-time; yes, we had players missing due to the 'brawl' on Sunday. But when the referee is that inept, forget it. Because it simply doesn't matter what you do - even Sky's Andy Gray (and this is saying something) had to point out that the referee was (and I quote) "rather inconsistent". No shit, Sherlock.

Right, I'm off to hack people down in the penalty area; apparently it's completely acceptable these days. Don't even think about talking to me about this match until I've had at least three coffees tomorrow. And then make sure I'm not wielding something blunt...

[insert extended swearing here]

Bootleg Genius

Now I have been championing this guy for a couple of years now, but finally Go Home Productions (aka Mark Vidler) has got EMI to release his best work to date as "Mashed":

Not content with just slinging together some beats and an accapella, he spends a lot of time creatively splicing in tracks that work with each other musically.

You can listen to selected highlights on the site. Or just buy it :)

Track listing:

01. Franz Buffalo Malcolm McLaren vs Franz Ferdinand
02. Boogie Oogie Music Madonna vs A Taste Of Honey
03. Missing Groovejet Everything But The Girl vs Spiller
04. Horny As A Dandy Mousse T vs Dandy Warhols
05. David X David Bowie vs Liberty X
06. Passenger Fever Peggy Lee vs Iggy Pop
07. Flashing For Money Deep Dish vs Dire Straits
08. Can't Get Blue Monday Out Of My Head Kylie Minogue vs New Order
09. Hella Lola No Doubt vs The Shapeshifters
10. Doctor Pressure Mylo vs Miami Sound Machine
11. Proper Education Eric Prydz vs Floyd
12. Rapture Riders Blondie vs The Doors
13. Notorious Trick Duran Duran vs Kelis
14. Sing Back Connection Elastica vs Moloko

Hamster, Elderberries, &c

Fire cows at the French. You know you want to. Knnnniggitts!

Monty Python's Spamalot

Leave your score in the comments, brave Sir Knight, if you dare.

(requires Flash - yes yes, I know, so sue me :)

Let's Hear It For The Kids

So it was not to be :(

Chelsea won the Carling Cup 2-1 in Cardiff in a match that had everything - three good goals, a mass brawl (followed by three sendings off) and an astonishing 11 minutes of added time. Both their goals came from the on-fire Didier Drogba after Theo Walcott had given us an early lead - the youngest ever scorer in a League Cup Final and his first goal for Arsenal - with a quality finish after a neat one-two with Diaby (who also had a great game before having to go off injured) on the edge of the box :


Arsenal were rampant for the first twenty minutes of each half but Petr Cech kept Chelsea in the match with fine saves from, amongst others, Baptista and Diaby. If we'd been two up going in at half time it could well have been a rather different story. But 'ifs' (and indeed, 'buts') don't win trophies and as our youngsters visibly faded towards the end, Chelsea were that bit more experienced. The fracas was a bit unseemly but even Fat Frank had to admit that it just showed how much both sides wanted to win.

Unfortunately, we now lose Touré and Adebayor (unless we can appeal his card for mistaken identity - stand up, Mr Eboué) for three matches at exactly the wrong time. FA Cup replay aside, the run-in to the end of the season is hotting up and we need to be thinking of leapfrogging Liverpool into third place with our two games in hand. Bah.

Anyway, I'm hugely proud of the 'Young Guns'; some of the fluid passing, movement and interplay was awesome to behold and for a team of so-called kids they made the Premiership champions look positively pedestrian for lengthy periods of the match. The future's bright, the future's red & white :)

(And I'm also genuinely glad that John Terry seems to have recovered - Abou Diaby looked visibly shaken after the accidental boot -> face incident. Foot high, head low? Immaterial as long as he's OK; nobody wants to see players seriously injured like that, especially in what was one of the most open and enjoyable cup finals for a very long time.)

Overheard #2

Continuing the occasional series of phrases which have randomly caught my attention of late.

Number #2:

"You've got to take me home; you've got a tree..."

Alright, Steal

Having recently been 'outed' as a fan of some of Lily Allen's "Alright, Still" album (thanks, Rowan) I stumbled across this on the music-like-dirt blog:

"Here's a little compilation for you all to nab. It's the originals of [some of] the tracks Lily samples on her album, and a few others that may or may not have been influences."

*nods head in big-up-dub-stylee-come-now-my-selecta-one-time-an-ting*

Overheard #1

An occasional series of phrases which have randomly caught my attention of late.

Number #1:

"You do know he's got CAT5 in his gazebo?"

Steak On Me

Now you can recreate that Ibizan villa holiday* in the comfort of your own ham, sorry, home:

Sweet Meats

"Sweet Meats are handmade plush objects that look like various cuts of meat. They are made out of super cuddly polar fleece, cotton quilting thread and polyester fiberfill stuffing. All of the meats come in individual (toy) size and some also come in family (pillow) size."

And remember - this offal is not available in the chops (sorry).

* you had to be there...

Pint O' Marmite

(Have I died and gone to heaven?)

Marmite Guinness

Apparently, many people absolutely hate Marmite and/or Guinness.

They are of course, utterly wrong in so many ways. Personally, I really love them both: Marmite with its full-on, balls-out, try-me-on-toast meatiness; Guinness and its yes-still-a-beer-but-almost-a-meal, fulfillingly-satisfying pint-y-ness. No doubt about it. All good. Mmmm...

How To Wash A Cat

We do not have a cat (we have Freyja to look impossibly cute and wake us up in the middle of the night). But for those of you who do (Antonia & Ian, Doug & Rowan, Chris & Helena amongst others) this may prove invaluable. And the pictures are downright hilarious:

Rippin Kitten

How to Wash A Cat

1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl.
2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.
3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids. You may need to stand on the lid.
4. The cat will self-agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this.
5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a "power-wash and rinse".
6. Have someone open the front door of your home. Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door.
7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.
8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom, and run outside where he will dry himself off.
9. Both the commode and the cat will be sparkling clean.

Post (It) Box

There is really no good reason I can think of for you to follow the paper folding instructions* which follow:

Post-It Note Origami Box

But I bet you all give it a try...

*requires Flash

Cat + Piano = YouTube

Another one for Antonia, perhaps:



*speechless*

(via BoingBoing)

Intrastation Conversation

Tube Gossip: As Heard On The Underground

Greg Stekelman (aka TheManWhoFellAsleep) has been collecting snippets of conversation he has overheard on the London Underground for the last five years. Stripped of all context, they are quite strange/funny/sad accordingly. Randomly selected highlights include:

• £40 million? It's peanuts. The government probably spends that in a day on traffic cones.
• I can feel my mind beginning to dislodge itself.
• I've still got that sachet of wet towels from the Turkish restaurant.
• She said she's going to mum's for Christmas and dad's for Boxing Day.
• Your rucksack is full of string.

He's also written a book; I think I may have to check it out:

Update: Alex & Kat already had it so they have very kindly lent it to me (unread too!)

That's Just Capital

Whilst dino-spotting the other day, we were alerted to the fact that we had just completed part of the Capital Ring:

I can't help but wonder who came up with the logo...

Doyouthinkhesaurus?

After lunch at Alex & Kat's new house down in Gipsy Hill yesterday, we decided to walk off all that excellent coq-au-vin with a stroll in the afternoon sunshine (surely "light drizzle" - Met Ed.) and took Freyja down to see Crystal Palace Park. On the way, there was some crazy talk regarding Victorian dinosaurs and, after meandering past the remains of the 1851 Great Exhibition building (which unfortunately burnt down in 1936) lo and behold, there they were:

Quite bizarre but really rather splendid. Apparently, the sculptor once took tea inside one of the beasts but ended his days as an invalid in the Debtor's Prison. Fascinating stuff.

And Freyja, true to form, slept all the way round :)

(Thanks once again to AutoStitch for the automagic panoramic photo)

Any Old Irony?

Interesting piece by Simon Pegg on the merkins <> irony thing in today's Guardian:

What are you laughing at?

Personally, I'm not sure I agree - American TV shows & films may be using irony more freely, but Alanis Morissette is still annoying. FACT.

Inland Revenue In Common Sense Shocker

HMRC guides UK eBay traders on income tax

Seems that if you just use eBay to get rid of unwanted gifts or purchases, the mighty hob-nailed jackboot of the taxman (or 'HM Revenue and Customs' if you prefer, your majesty) will refrain from crushing your tiny profit and demanding its 25% (or 40%) cut on each sale. However, if you seek to make a profit by listing goods you bought with the sole intention of reselling them, then you're liable for the tax.

Well done. Sense prevails. For once :)

Broadly Speaking

England call up Broad for finals

"England have called up Leicestershire paceman Stuart Broad for the one-day series finals against Australia. The 20-year-old has been added to the squad after injured duo Jon Lewis (Achilles) and Chris Tremlett (back) were ruled out. Both are flying home"

Well about bleeding time. As I believe I mentioned HERE, Broad is one of this country's up-and-coming bowling stars and he deserves a chance against the very best (grudgingly, that would currently be Australia). Go on Stuart, show 'em what you can do. For me. Please?

Klaxons (awooga awooga)

Go and buy Klaxons' album, "Myths Of The Near Future". It's brilliant. They have somehow got the "new-rave" tag (although I read somewhere that they actually invented the 'scene' as a joke and then instantly detached themselves from it) but it is thoughtful and musical with emotive chord progressions and proper fast drumming and nice 80s influences and danceable tunes and a hint of tongue-in-cheek prog-rock hanging about as well. Go and get it, looks like this:
Magick.

Word To The Thomas

This did make me chuckle a bit:


Perhaps they could launch a new engine called "Fiddy"...

Right On The Button

I really like Dilbert cartoons. And sometimes they can uncannily reflect an average day at my work:


In case you were wondering, I'm not going to name names as [insert manager here] is doing my annual appraisal on Thursday :)

We're On Our Way To, Er, Cardiff...

I have just about recovered from the drama of the extra-time win over Spurs at the Emirates last night. We had decent seats just above the losing visiting supporters in the new South Bank and the atmosphere was amazing for a midweek Carling Cup match; the noise never relented (OK maybe a smidgeon, shortly after they equalised with five minutes to go...) Anyway, our 'kids' are in the final against Chelsea on Sunday 25 Feb and Arsene has promised to stick with the team that has got this far (quite correctly, in my humble opinion).

Goooooooooooooners!

So to celebrate all of the above, here is Freyja having a little dance: